just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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