Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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