my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
