He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
