She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
