you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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