Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
