God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
