Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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