did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
