As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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