why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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