Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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