Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
