I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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