I can tuck mytits in my pants
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She bit a glass in half.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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