R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
