I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
