You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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