just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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