She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
