I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
