I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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