Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
