No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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