; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
