You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
