I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You ruined the universe
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
