you guys were way drunker than both of me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
