I wish I only lived at night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
