It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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