We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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