I need help removing her.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
