you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
