____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
