Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
