chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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