his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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