would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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