How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
