She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
