my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
