just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He has the fingertips of a God
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
