Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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