quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
