every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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