no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
