I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
