I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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