there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
one might say we're banned from that church
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
