Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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