I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
