i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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