Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's always time for handjobs
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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