no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
