If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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