So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
