Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
