i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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