I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
