Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
