He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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