Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
