It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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