just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
