i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You made out with two different species that night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
