She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
