There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
