If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
