The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
