Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Boobs are out for the taking
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
