Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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