I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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