He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
