she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
