Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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