Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
