Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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